What is an ideal group?
The ideal group is 4 or 5 couples, with one of these couples leading (that’s you). Couples may be have been married for one year or many, or they may be remarried following the death of or divorce from a partner. Being at a similar stage of relationship / ages can be helpful for sharing (e.g. engaged couples, young marrieds or 30’s & 40’s). However those married only a short while will also benefit from the experience of others, so be flexible in the mix of the group.
Is Together suitable for anyone, whatever their faith?
Together doesn’t assume in-depth understanding of the Bible. It is suitable for Christians, (whatever their spiritual maturity) and non-Christians, (providing they are open to the Bible).
When do we meet?
It’s up to you and the group to decide. Invite everyone along for the introductory meeting and ask couples to bring along diaries to fix the dates of all the sessions, if they decide to continue. It is recommended you meet every fortnight. Remember people will need adequate space between group meetings to have their Couple Time.
Where do we meet?
The best place is in someone’s home where everyone can sit together because it’s more informal and friendly. Rotating homes works well (but be sensitive if some in your group have very little space – it may be better to stay in one venue but rotate the ‘hospitality’.) A church venue or other meeting place is OK as long as there is privacy.
Do we need to have a perfect marriage?
It is not necessary to be married for any particular length of time or have a faultless marriage. However, as a lead couple your marriage should be stable and without any major unresolved issues between you. Good leaders are people who are willing to share their struggles as well as successes in building their marriage.
Do we need Bible knowledge to lead?
You do not need to be an experienced group leader or have in-depth Bible knowledge to lead a group. The Leader’s Guide is designed to give you everything you need.
Are we expected to teach or facilitate?
As the lead couple you are responsible for organising and encouraging your group and facilitating the discussion. Facilitating means that you will be asking the questions in the study and ensuring everyone starts and finishes on time. It doesn’t mean you have to have answers for everything and you are not expected to teach, because the teaching is in the study. Facilitating also means encouraging everyone to participate – not forcing them to answer questions but giving everyone the opportunity to participate.
Do we have to lead as a couple?
It’s up to you to decide who does what. The leader couple might share responsibility for leading the discussion and time-keeping. Whilst one is doing the talking and facilitating, the other keeps an eye on time and helps the leader to ensure that everybody is included in the discussion. Each session is divided into parts so the leading of a session is easily shared. Alternatively one person may do all the leading with the other being the “eyes and ears”. Note that session 8 splits into two separate groups of men/women only, so you’ll need two leaders and two guides or copies of the appropriate pages.
What makes a good leader?
- A commitment to your own marriage and a desire to invest in it. This will be an example for others.
- A desire to love and encourage people and to have fun as a group.
- A willingness to practise hospitality or find somebody who can!
- A desire to work together as a couple and being faithful to your own Couple Time discussion.
- A desire to let God live in and through you – by his Spirit (Gal 5:22-23).
How do we ensure no-one says anything embarrassing?
There are ground rules which are very important so that everyone feels comfortable. We want to ensure confidentiality and build trust within the group and to be sure that no one shares something embarrassing about their partners. Explain these at the first meeting and remind everyone briefly at other times.
Do we have to have a meal?
It’s a good idea to share a meal together, especially at the first introductory meeting. This helps to break the ice and get to know each other. At the first introductory meeting you might want the evening to be a bit special with candles on the table. You might also start sessions 1-9 with a meal or at least some nibblies, as this is an important part of relationship building. It can be a simple supper. (You don’t have to be too elaborate). We recommend that the lead couple provide supper at first and then involve others.
How should we handle childcare?
Groups may handle this differently depending on their needs. You could let everyone be responsible for their own arrangements. Alternatively as a group, hire a “sitter” to watch over the children in one location (ideally, not too close to where the group is meeting).